Skip to main content

Thorns and gifts

We've been reading in the New Testament as a family lately, and Paul has some great advice and counsel that's still applicable today.  In his letter to the church in Corinth, he talks about a thorn in the flesh.

2 Corinthians 12:7-9
7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

It's kind of a moot point to speculate what Paul's particular thorn might have been, but I've often wondered. More importantly: what is God's purpose in giving his children such difficult stuff to learn? Why does life have to be so hard? Why can't it be an easy ride? Why did Paul ask for relief multiple times, only to be told “no.” The “no” answer that Paul got wasn't uncaring, it wasn't unfeeling, it was simply something like this: "No, I'm sorry Paul, but you need to learn some really hard lessons and this thorn will be the teacher."

My own challenges over the years include fun stuff like insomnia, anxiety and depression, and specifically bipolar disorder. I have a mild version, and I like to joke that I'm super high functioning.  But ask my spouse if this ride has been easy. Not at all. Sometimes the roller coaster is pretty taxing. My purpose in writing today is not to talk about mental health issues, per se, but why. Why is a thorn in the flesh a necessary thing?

Many people have a thorn in the flesh: 
a handicap or physical disability
caring for a child with a disability 
an addiction 
a loved one with an addiction
cancer or disease
Alzheimers
a difficult marriage
lack of marriage
loneliness
divorce
grief after losing a parent or sibling, etc. 

With each thorn there are specific lessons, challenges, tests, and trials. And yet, if we have eyes to see beyond the suffering, if we look for grace and focus on gratitude, the thorn becomes less prominent and the flower comes into focus. A good therapist once told me about the telescope principle: if I make my hands into a mini telescope, hold it to my eyes and look at one point on the horizon, with a laser focus on one single thing, it looks like it takes up the whole picture. But when I zoom out, the landscape becomes clearer and the added perspective allows me to SEE more than one detail. In life, if I concentrate my entire focus on the thorn, it quickly fills up my vision and my world.  It would be easy to wallow, if I spent all day every day thinking only about the things that are wrong.
  
So let’s think about a rose. It’s awesome for multiple senses: sight, smell, touch. Yes, the thorns on the stem can prick a finger, but if I breathe in the scent and drink in the sight, if I learn to manage the thorns and work around them, maybe it’s worth having that rose in the garden.


One of the flowers in my life is music. As a young girl, I was drawn to music until I begged my parents to let me learn the violin or the flute. My mom asked around and was pointed towards the piano and it became my good friend. I can sight read pretty effortlessly. Because I’d learned a “foreign language” in being able to read music and play it on the piano, when I began to learn Spanish in high school, it wasn’t too hard. I later studied Mandarin in college, and guess what: there’s four tones in the language itself, which is pretty musical. It took a lot of work, but the foundation of learning music and language led to more success. Then later in Paraguay I started learning Guarani, which was challenging because it’s not a written language, but musical in its own right. 

But ask me to read a spreadsheet and I'll run the other way. The data analytics piece is still foreign to me! Ask me how to airdrop a file to a friend, and I'll likely give her the phone and let her do it herself.  The technology piece kills me. I'm a slow adapter. It's not my gift. In fact, it's incredibly painful to learn new stuff that doesn't fall under the music/language umbrella.

I'm pretty sure that God gave me the gift of music and a love for language, to compensate for the awful curse of mental illness. Maybe He knew that I'd need it to survive. Or maybe this talent has flourished BECAUSE of the illness itself.  The flowers in my life are the most beautiful expressions of language or music. But the thorns, dealing with insomnia and sleepless nights, have led me to a third flower: compassion for others who are suffering. I would not have empathy for others who are plagued with problems if not for my own flaws and brokenness. I would not comprehend another’s pain if not for being able to relate. 
My heart is compassionate today not in spite of my thorn, but because of it.

Some of the most brilliant writers and musicians, artists and singers in our history have been plagued with illness. Think of all the actors and actresses with serious issues. You don’t get insane amounts of talent without some amount of insanity.  

Every person has specific gifts and thorns. A merciful Father in Heaven did that on purpose. He knows what he's doing. His grace is sufficient. Paul realized his thorn was given to him to humble him. Whatever his thorn was, he chose to write letters which strengthened the church with his faith and experience. Wasn't Paul rotting away in prison for four years, with a shipwreck in the middle when he was being transferred to Rome? And yet, instead of ruminating about it, he took the opportunity to write letters to people he loved. Ultimately, he was a prisoner again until they later killed him. Sounds super fun, right? But his letters are filled with grace, not complaints. We remember him today because he bothered to find gratitude and write it down.

Gratitude is the best antidote for misery. Count your blessings.  There’s tons of research to prove that people are happier when they look for ways to be grateful. I've written about gratitude and thanksgiving previously. In a nutshell, it's more than just a good idea.  It's a life skill that leads to contentment. Keeping a "gratitude journal" is a way of helping to focus on the flowers.

This year my family has been following a church study program called Come Follow Me.  We’ve been studying the Savior throughout the New Testament. One of the most insightful questions in this week's study How have you experienced God's strengthening power? Music has strengthened me.  

And people have strengthened me. 
A Handsome sturdy husband (who builds handsome sturdy walls, bonus points if you know that Disney song!), 
Good parents, 
Sweet sisters, 
Amazing friends.  
Even my brothers in their busy lives have paused sometimes to help strengthen me. I have been blessed with dozens of dear friends over the years. I couldn't do this without them.

So once again, I'm writing a note that I can't tie up in a nice, neat bow. It's pretty messy. But Paul eventually was able to write, "Most gladly will I glory in my infirmities." I'm not quite there yet. I really don't like some of the challenges I've been dealt. But I can echo what he said, "That the power of Christ may rest upon me." Maybe I needed all this crap to deal with, so I would turn to the Savior and beg for help. Ultimately, one of the greatest gifts is when weakness or infirmity turns to an asset.  How does this happen? This happens one hour, one step, one day at a time.  It happens as the small and simple efforts, repeated over and over again, eventually lead to something great.  It’s the same as when a beginner piano student learns one bar, one measure, one line at a time. 

For me specifically, dealing with sleepless nights and the exhaustion that follows, is a precarious thing. I have to make myself slow down, I have to ask for help, I have to carefully weigh each of the commitments that I'm carrying. Over the years I've studied the brain and how it works, and learned about specific brain illnesses. I have to go talk to a therapist sometimes, and eat carefully and exercise every single day. It's really annoying, but the stability that comes from consistency is probably my best prescription. Oh yeah, and there's medicine from the pharmacy too.  It's the combination of all of these things: education, therapy, nutrition, exercise, medicine, gratitude, music. Writing is therapeutic for me too.  Hence this blog.  All of these things help me find balance.

A Native American prophet named Ether asked some of the same questions I've asked today.  Why does God allow us to struggle through difficult things? Ether's writing is found in The Book of Mormon. His challenge was this: he had great verbal skills but was a super bad writer. He struggled with writing the language itself, because the characters were awkward. He had a pretty frank conversation with God and asked why. When he asked for help, this was the response:

“...The Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness; 

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” Ether 12:27

My whole point today is that God's grace is sufficient to help us see the flowers and not just the thorns, to turn weakness into strength, and to ultimately make us similar to Him. But we have to choose to become like Him, to choose faith, hour after hour, day after day. It's not a big jump, it's just all the little stuff. Ultimately, when I depend on my own strength I'm pretty ineffective.  But when I turn this burden over to the Lord, He helps to carry me and see me through. He helps me to see more clearly, to look at the bigger picture and not freak out about the thorns.  He helps me to realize that the garden of flowers in my life is significantly larger than the painful thorns.

PS don't judge my rosebush.  I don't know the first thing about growing stuff in Texas. It's a miracle it survived the summer.

Comments

  1. I’m going to rehash your note in my own words because it’s therapeutic and a spiritual experience for me. I’m expressing my understanding with different words, and I’m posing some theoretical extensions. I hope we can be edified together and grow closer through our shared understanding.

    My rose bushes died this summer. I’m so sad... the thorns are gone and so is the potential to flower and now there is nothing... no pleasure, no pain. Without light there is no darkness, and without sorrow, joy cannot exist.

    Adam and Eve in the garden learned nothing, felt nothing. Existence is meaningless without the contrasts that allow us to understand. The deeper and longer the darkness, the more we appreciate the elusive shimmer of eternity. I am more and more convinced that Heaven is here, in this life, if we acclimate ourselves to it. When we’ve learned both to appreciate our flowers and to accept and live with (and perhaps even appreciate, as you have,) our thorns, God gives us peace that passes all understanding. We live like Him. And with Him. Every day. The characteristics of eternity become pervasive; our daily intent - our work and our glory - becomes the same as God’s.

    If we’re planning to end up that way ‘someday,’ why not get there sooner, here, and enjoy that state of being in this life too? We have to reach the point of being humble intrinsically, without being compelled. When we’ve accepted our thorns as eternal companions, we’ve reached a different plane of existence. I think it might be accurately called heaven on earth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for making me think again. First, I'm sad for your rosebush. When I saw your comment yesterday, I started thinking of ways to help you in your garden. I wanted to go buy a bag of bulbs and invite myself over to plant daffodils, so that when spring comes you have those bright yellow bits of sunshine in your yard.

      Even more than a bag of bulbs, I think what you're seeking is understanding. I don't know what it's like to lose that rosebush completely. But you're right: without the contrast, there's nothing. Somebody said something in conference about how sorrow prepares you for joy, or clears room for it. I'll have to dig for that reference later.

      In talking about darkness, you said it well: the deeper and longer it lasts, the more we appreciate the elusive shimmer of eternity. Today it's pretty cloudy outside, so of course I'm restless and looking for ways to turn on every light inside the house. Maybe I can learn to accept it, and then rejoice when it's sunny again.

      As to heaven being here with us now, I would tend to agree. The most joyful people I know are choosing to see the good, and choosing to focus on what's beautiful. My most miserable friends are the ones who consistently complain and see the thorns, who focus on what's wrong with their garden, or what's wrong with the world, or with the government or whatever. So if heaven is here, then hell is too. It's choosing which part gets to claim my heart.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Leaving Utah

Norm and I are at a crossroads.  It's time for our family to take the next step.  But first a quick trip down memory lane. We first came to Utah sixteen years ago.  We were young and cute and pregnant with baby #1.  Norm had been accepted as a student.  I had a lot of fun during my first two years of college, and I imagine the admissions board looked at my transcript and said something like, "yeah right!"  (More details about getting a D in organ lessons over  here .) So my first BYU application was rejected.  They let me attend classes as a visiting student, and one day an admissions officer called my phone.  It was a landline, and we were living in BYU married student housing.  He had two questions for me:  Is your husband a full time student?  Yes.  And you live on  campus?  Yes.  End of interview.  A few days later I got my acceptance letter. We finally graduated together in 2004. We bought our first home in Lehi, not too far from Willow Creek middle schoo

believe

  These four books are either written by or about some of my favorite authors of all time. Isaiah , Prophet, Seer and Poet, by Victor Ludlow. One semester during college we did a deep dive into this poet's literary works found in the Old Testament. Someday if I get bored, I want to learn Hebrew and read his stuff in the original language. Neal A Maxwell  is another favorite writer. My favorite book that he's written is called All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, and is a masterpiece on human suffering and why it's necessary in the refining process. Highly recommend. The first time I read through it, it took about a year because I could only digest about a paragraph a day. believe  is such a fantastic collection of quotes on hope. Love it. Eliza  The Life and Faith of Eliza R Snow, by Karen Lynn Davidson and Jill Mulvay Derr. I love this lady so much and she's my favorite poet and pioneer woman. This biography is beautifully written. My favorite poem or quote by

2021 Christmas Card

December 2021  Dear Friends and Family, We love you and and miss y'all that are far away in WA and UT and other places!! This year we skipped our tradition of sending a Thanksgiving card and opted for a virtual Christmas card instead. It saved a ton of stamps and envelopes, but I definitely miss the glitter and sparkle. We hope you can feel our love even through a simple email or blog post. One tradition we couldn't skip was our gratitude tree, where the little leaves are a list of blessings. We are so thankful for God's goodness and mercy every day. Here's the highlight reel:  Cade graduated, made lots of Domino's pizza, read probably a thousand books, and is currently living in Provo, UT as a full-time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He's heading to Helsinki, Finland in January. We are so proud of him and his hard work, we miss him but are excited for his opportunity to learn and serve. Shad spent a zillion hours with Marcus Ban

Twenty + One Month

You know how life gets kinda messy sometimes? My version of messy looks like this: Four kids including a teenager learning to drive; a kindergartner learning to get herself ready in the morning; a senior learning about adulting; a middle schooler learning to ride her bike to electives every other day, a mortgage husband's career VIRTUAL PLUS church service pandemic, civil unrest, election year my own personal need for friends and connection even when my schedule looks like a revolving door Our big anniversary was last month and we were lucky enough to celebrate together this past weekend. We managed to sneak away for 24 hours. First I need to give credit where credit is due. There was a very generous friend who volunteered to parent the children during our 'Nelson marriage offsite.' And there was a generous benefactor who donated Marriott points to spring for the fancy room. I won't mention either party by name, but thanks to their generosity we had a great time. I'

One More Syllable

It's been a year. One year ago we moved to Texas. One year ago I started asking people to call me Kristina instead of Kristy, thus adding one more syllable to my name. August is our anniversary. Last year we celebrated that anniversary by adding a cool new memory. That day we drove up to our house, found the keys and walked inside with the kids. We spent the night in our house without any stuff. Isn't it funny how places seem bigger when they're unfurnished? And that pool in the backyard? We knew nothing about pools and maintenance but just jumped in carefree. It was great. It was like being in a hotel but with room for everybody to spread out. Maybe it's time to explain the name change. For me, I had decided before moving to Texas that I wanted to quit using Kristy as my nickname. It served me well for many years and I still like it, but it's mainly for simplicity. When I'd first meet somebody, maybe I'd mumble or maybe I don't speak clearly enou

Happy Fall Y'all

Over the past year I've noticed a lot of fun and interesting things about Texas.  Call it culture shock or assimilation, but here's an outsider's view of my new home. Obviously I like saying "y'all," and I find it quite handy. From the vocabulary to the climate, from the school traditions to the local hotspots, I'm enjoying this new land even if I poke a little fun at some of the quirks. One of my favorite things about Texas is the people.  They are  nice.  The general default mode is to show kindness, warmth and hospitality. People go out of their way to help each other. I've seen this over and over again. The foundation of this town is built on people who are genuinely decent and friendly.  Language:  I love the west Texas drawl (or is it east Texas?).   At the elementary school, the sweet secretary lady is the nicest. When my son delivered something to his sister one day, she said, "Thank you baby," in a motherly, sweet way.

Meek Warhorse

Norm's last church talk/sermon in Utah before moving to Texas July 2018, Lehi UT, Traverse Mountain 8th Ward Hello brothers and sisters, it’s my privilege to speak to you today.  I guess this is our good-bye address even though we haven’t moved yet, which I’m taking as a personal sign that the bishopric can’t wait for the next family to move in.  (that was a joke, guys) In my remarks today, I’m going to cover an alternative definition of meekness that really struck a chord with me.  Once I’ve introduced this idea, I’m going to share my supporting argument for meekness as a strength, and then I’m going to talk about how I believe we can develop this form of meekness in our lives. As Kristy told you, our topic is “being meek and lowly of heart” which, in the terms I normally think of meekness or lowliness, is a subject that does not come naturally to me.  I am not naturally what I consider to be meek, quiet or, as Kristy would tell you, all that well behaved.  While I

It doesn't matter where you live, but how...

Thoughts on Houses This is my first post from Texas.  The blog lives on.  August was a whirlwind, September we started settling in, and now it's October.  Most of the boxes are unpacked.  Just last week I found the box that had cookbooks in it, and that makes me pretty happy.  I still haven't made whole wheat bread or cookies since we got here, but maybe I'll do that soon. We spent a lot of time this summer thinking about houses, getting ready to sell our house in Traverse Mountain (in Lehi, on the northern edge of Utah County), and brainstorming on what we'd need in a house in Texas. On the way to Texas, we drove south through Colorado and spent the night at Mesa Verde.  We found the Far View Lodge inside the park and stayed up high on the mesa.  The night sky was pitch black away from the city lights, and the weather was at least ten degrees cooler up high.  I loved it.  The next morning we learned a lot about the Native Americans who lived there.  A man ga

Companions - Notes on Home MTC

November 18, 2021 Most people know that missionaries run around in pairs. Some of my neighbors have seen this version of a companionship lately. Let me explain. During Covid, the church did a pivot and changed the missionary training experience from in-person to virtual. During this process they realized there were a few cool benefits that were worth continuing even after the pandemic. So the new version of missionary training begins  at home  with an Elder or Sister doing full-time training with a companion online. Then they transition to  in person  after a few weeks.  My oldest son began on November 8 with training at home. When they are in class or working together, they are meeting and making friends with other missionaries in their district. My son's cohort has four young women and four other young men, for a total of nine kids all going to Finland in January. BUT when they're not actively working or studying together,  I'm his companion . All of the places I'd no