Mental Health

Campfire explanation below

ADHD (One of my kids has lots of energy and lots of super funny stories)

Bipolar (Thorns and Gifts, notes on why God gives us such hard stuff to learn.)

Brokenness (Kintsugi, my favorite Paige Bradley sculpture, and thoughts on healing)

Depression (Sunshine, and ten tips for dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder)

Gratitude

Grief and Gardening

Insomnia

Moving (It doesn't matter where you live, but how...)

No Spoons

Palm Tree vs Aloe (Notes on death, healing, and regrowth)

Pornography (The Mirage, lessons from Las Vegas)

Rainbows

Slow Down (manic phase)

Thankful

Turning 40

Work in Progress (Notes from a recovering perfectionist)

Notes on mental health challenges. Most of the stuff I've written about comes from my own experience, through trial and error, and from lots of education and therapy. By being transparent about some of the really difficult parts of my journey, I'm hoping to share notes and thoughts that might benefit my friends and family members. I'm not a therapist, guys. I have a bachelors degree in psychology, but that's it. I've spent dozens and dozens of hours giving "free therapy" to my friends, but you get what you pay for. ;)

The other day when A and I were drawing a picture, I suggested we draw a fire. She added the following blue "magic" to the flames. When we used to go camping a lot, see here (Tinney Flat) or here (The Cabin) or here (Scoutmaster), N would bring awesome pinecones like these to throw into the fire. Then you say a silly rhyme or something about looking up at the stars (to distract the kids so they can't see you add it to the fire). All of a sudden there's magic in the fire.

I wish I had thought of that. What a cool thing, that my sweet little girl has memories of magical campfires. But let's think about the metaphor for a minute. If there are seasons of life where the fire is burning super hot, maybe it's time to pause and search for the miracles. The following story isn't mine, and the author is anonymous. But the message resonates with me.

There was once a group of women studying the book of Malachi in the Old Testament. As they were studying chapter three, they came across this verse which says, "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." This verse puzzled the women, and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study.
That week this woman called up a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot - then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver. She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered "Yes," and explained that he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be damaged.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"
He smiled at her and answered, "Oh that's easy. When I see my image in it."

I hope that all the seasons of refining in my life are working in me. I'm not usually thrilled for pain or change or growth. During the seasons of fire in my life, where the learning curve is steep, I need to keep my eye on the magic: the tender mercies or holy echoes or silver lining. Whatever word you use to describe God's hand working in your life, that's the magic in the campfire.

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Leaving Utah

Norm and I are at a crossroads. It's time for our family to take the next step. But first a quick trip down memory lane. We first came to Utah sixteen years ago. We were young and cute and pregnant with baby #1. Norm had been accepted as a student. I had a lot of fun during my first two years of college, and I imagine the admissions board looked at my transcript and said something like, "yeah right!" (More details about getting a D in organ lessons over here .) So my first BYU application was rejected. They let me attend classes as a visiting student, and one day an admissions officer called my phone. It was a landline, and we were living in BYU married student housing. He had two questions for me: Is your husband a full time student? Yes. And you live on campus? Yes. End of interview. A few days later I got my acceptance letter. We finally graduated together in 2004. We bought our first home in Lehi, not too far from Willow Creek middle schoo

2021 Christmas Card

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One More Syllable

It's been a year. One year ago we moved to Texas. One year ago I started asking people to call me Kristina instead of Kristy, thus adding one more syllable to my name. August is our anniversary. Last year we celebrated that anniversary by adding a cool new memory. That day we drove up to our house, found the keys and walked inside with the kids. We spent the night in our house without any stuff. Isn't it funny how places seem bigger when they're unfurnished? And that pool in the backyard? We knew nothing about pools and maintenance but just jumped in carefree. It was great. It was like being in a hotel but with room for everybody to spread out. Maybe it's time to explain the name change. For me, I had decided before moving to Texas that I wanted to quit using Kristy as my nickname. It served me well for many years and I still like it, but it's mainly for simplicity. When I'd first meet somebody, maybe I'd mumble or maybe I don't speak clearly enou

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Norm's last church talk/sermon in Utah before moving to Texas July 2018, Lehi UT, Traverse Mountain 8th Ward Hello brothers and sisters, it’s my privilege to speak to you today. I guess this is our good-bye address even though we haven’t moved yet, which I’m taking as a personal sign that the bishopric can’t wait for the next family to move in. (that was a joke, guys) In my remarks today, I’m going to cover an alternative definition of meekness that really struck a chord with me. Once I’ve introduced this idea, I’m going to share my supporting argument for meekness as a strength, and then I’m going to talk about how I believe we can develop this form of meekness in our lives. As Kristy told you, our topic is “being meek and lowly of heart” which, in the terms I normally think of meekness or lowliness, is a subject that does not come naturally to me. I am not naturally what I consider to be meek, quiet or, as Kristy would tell you, all that well behaved. While I

It doesn't matter where you live, but how...

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How Controlling Are You?

Life is like Mario Kart. In the early levels, you're driving through Moo Moo Meadows and the grass is green and there's cows and fields and it's lovely. There's an occasional banana peel that gets tossed in the path, and sometimes the cows walk in the road so you try not to hit them. But overall the driving is pretty mellow. Then later after you've unlocked other levels, there's stuff like Bowser's Castle. It's a maze with lava on both sides of the path, there's fire and brimstone all around, there's stone columns that try to smash you at random intervals. Just to know where to go and how to steer and stay on the path is complicated. Some stages of life are like Moo Moo Meadows. The details are easy-peasy and you just keep moving right along. And then there are years like Bowser's Castle where it's pretty intense and you pray a lot because the fire around you is pretty hot and you're trying not to fall in the lava pit. During years

Twenty + One Month

You know how life gets kinda messy sometimes? My version of messy looks like this: Four kids including a teenager learning to drive; a kindergartner learning to get herself ready in the morning; a senior learning about adulting; a middle schooler learning to ride her bike to electives every other day, a mortgage husband's career VIRTUAL PLUS church service pandemic, civil unrest, election year my own personal need for friends and connection even when my schedule looks like a revolving door Our big anniversary was last month and we were lucky enough to celebrate together this past weekend. We managed to sneak away for 24 hours. First I need to give credit where credit is due. There was a very generous friend who volunteered to parent the children during our 'Nelson marriage offsite.' And there was a generous benefactor who donated Marriott points to spring for the fancy room. I won't mention either party by name, but thanks to their generosity we had a great time. I'

believe

These four books are either written by or about some of my favorite authors of all time. Isaiah , Prophet, Seer and Poet, by Victor Ludlow. One semester during college we did a deep dive into this poet's literary works found in the Old Testament. Someday if I get bored, I want to learn Hebrew and read his stuff in the original language. Neal A Maxwell is another favorite writer. My favorite book that he's written is called All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, and is a masterpiece on human suffering and why it's necessary in the refining process. Highly recommend. The first time I read through it, it took about a year because I could only digest about a paragraph a day. believe is such a fantastic collection of quotes on hope. Love it. Eliza The Life and Faith of Eliza R Snow, by Karen Lynn Davidson and Jill Mulvay Derr. I love this lady so much and she's my favorite poet and pioneer woman. This biography is beautifully written. My favorite poem or quote by

Shoplifting: Tic Tacs at Target

You know when you're at the store and one of your kids asks you to buy stuff? Then they ask again and again and again and again? My reply is usually something like, 'No, but thanks for asking.' And if they ask again then the reply goes something like, 'If you ask again, the answer will be no for like a week.' OR, "If you ask again, I'll take away your favorite toy," OR "If you ask me one more time, __________." Think of a punishment you will actually do! You can't make an empty threat here. If you don't have the energy to see it through, then just say yes. My older kids will often comment on how their younger sister gets a ton of stuff or privileges. If I'm tired and don't have the energy to win a battle, it's much better to JUST SAY YES the first time. That way, when I say NO on something, it carries more weight. So I explain to the older kids that they've already run me ragged and I no longer have the patience or st

Notes for my sister