The birds and the bees

9.19.17 Karly caught her second fish! It's actually the biggest any of our kids have caught. Of course it nibbled on the line right after Norm and the boys left to go exploring. He'd explained what to do if she felt a pull on the line, and she did it exactly right. I helped reel it in, a first for me. Norm expertly removed the hook and we sent it back to live in the lake, singing to it like Dori, "Just keep swimming..." We weren't hungry and she didn't want the lesson on gutting and cleaning your dinner.

A few weeks ago I realized that Norm and I hadn't sat her down for "the talk." You know which talk I mean. With our boys, we made a big deal to start this series of conversations, sometime after they turned eight. But with Karly we completely forgot. (The idea to start this series of talks comes from Richard and Linda Eyre, you can find them here.)

And so it begins. Here are some favorite books to help with this:

Where did I come from? by Peter Mayle is one we've used to explain sex, how it works, etc. It's really old and the pictures are super outdated. I've had one friend who didn't like this book, but so far it's the best we've found. You can decide if it's right to help explain stuff to your kids.

How to Talk to your Child about Sex by Linda and Richard Eyre. They wrote a whole lecture on this topic. It's pretty great. The main point is that there are a series of discussions and not just one big talk that's one and done. Sexuality has to be something we teach our kids about frequently.

Growing Up, by Brad Wilcox. This is easy to read aloud with your son or daughter, and it's written at a level that they can read alone as well.

Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Porn-Proofing today's young kids, by Kristen A Jenson. This book is so great because it teaches kids what to do when they see porn. The battle for their brains is real. They need to have tools. This is the junior version Good Pictures, Bad Pictures Jr which is for early elementary.

No Means No! by Jayneen Sanders. This is a body safety lesson that even the youngest kids can understand. This is especially helpful in preventing sexual abuse. As I watch my two daughters growing up in this crazy world, I want them to have a strong voice.

So Sunday night, Karly got to stay up the latest. We sent the boys to bed early, and had one hour with just Mom and Dad and Kid #3. That almost never happens. I told her we had some important things to share with her, and then after our talk we'd play a game. So we explained some pretty intimate stuff to my really young girl. Here's the thing. I want her to learn these details from us. Period. I don't want her wondering and asking her friends. I want her to know that life is sacred, and that her body is amazing. When she sees pornography for the first time, I want her to turn away and realize it's a counterfeit.

Norm grumbled, "Do we really have to do this?" but agreed to follow my lead, and he did a great job. Karly asked some interesting questions, and she was fine.

And then we played Go Fish.

Comments

Leaving Utah

Norm and I are at a crossroads. It's time for our family to take the next step. But first a quick trip down memory lane. We first came to Utah sixteen years ago. We were young and cute and pregnant with baby #1. Norm had been accepted as a student. I had a lot of fun during my first two years of college, and I imagine the admissions board looked at my transcript and said something like, "yeah right!" (More details about getting a D in organ lessons over here .) So my first BYU application was rejected. They let me attend classes as a visiting student, and one day an admissions officer called my phone. It was a landline, and we were living in BYU married student housing. He had two questions for me: Is your husband a full time student? Yes. And you live on campus? Yes. End of interview. A few days later I got my acceptance letter. We finally graduated together in 2004. We bought our first home in Lehi, not too far from Willow Creek middle schoo

2021 Christmas Card

December 2021 Dear Friends and Family, We love you and and miss y'all that are far away in WA and UT and other places!! This year we skipped our tradition of sending a Thanksgiving card and opted for a virtual Christmas card instead. It saved a ton of stamps and envelopes, but I definitely miss the glitter and sparkle. We hope you can feel our love even through a simple email or blog post. One tradition we couldn't skip was our gratitude tree, where the little leaves are a list of blessings. We are so thankful for God's goodness and mercy every day. Here's the highlight reel: Cade graduated, made lots of Domino's pizza, read probably a thousand books, and is currently living in Provo, UT as a full-time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He's heading to Helsinki, Finland in January. We are so proud of him and his hard work, we miss him but are excited for his opportunity to learn and serve. Shad spent a zillion hours with Marcus Ban

Thorns and gifts

We've been reading in the New Testament as a family lately, and Paul has some great advice and counsel that's still applicable today. In his letter to the church in Corinth, he talks about a thorn in the flesh. 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. It's kind of a moot point to speculate what Paul's particular thorn might have been, but I've often wondered. More importantly: what is God's purpose in giving his children such difficult stuff to learn? Why does life have to be so hard?

One More Syllable

It's been a year. One year ago we moved to Texas. One year ago I started asking people to call me Kristina instead of Kristy, thus adding one more syllable to my name. August is our anniversary. Last year we celebrated that anniversary by adding a cool new memory. That day we drove up to our house, found the keys and walked inside with the kids. We spent the night in our house without any stuff. Isn't it funny how places seem bigger when they're unfurnished? And that pool in the backyard? We knew nothing about pools and maintenance but just jumped in carefree. It was great. It was like being in a hotel but with room for everybody to spread out. Maybe it's time to explain the name change. For me, I had decided before moving to Texas that I wanted to quit using Kristy as my nickname. It served me well for many years and I still like it, but it's mainly for simplicity. When I'd first meet somebody, maybe I'd mumble or maybe I don't speak clearly enou

Meek Warhorse

Norm's last church talk/sermon in Utah before moving to Texas July 2018, Lehi UT, Traverse Mountain 8th Ward Hello brothers and sisters, it’s my privilege to speak to you today. I guess this is our good-bye address even though we haven’t moved yet, which I’m taking as a personal sign that the bishopric can’t wait for the next family to move in. (that was a joke, guys) In my remarks today, I’m going to cover an alternative definition of meekness that really struck a chord with me. Once I’ve introduced this idea, I’m going to share my supporting argument for meekness as a strength, and then I’m going to talk about how I believe we can develop this form of meekness in our lives. As Kristy told you, our topic is “being meek and lowly of heart” which, in the terms I normally think of meekness or lowliness, is a subject that does not come naturally to me. I am not naturally what I consider to be meek, quiet or, as Kristy would tell you, all that well behaved. While I

It doesn't matter where you live, but how...

Thoughts on Houses This is my first post from Texas. The blog lives on. August was a whirlwind, September we started settling in, and now it's October. Most of the boxes are unpacked. Just last week I found the box that had cookbooks in it, and that makes me pretty happy. I still haven't made whole wheat bread or cookies since we got here, but maybe I'll do that soon. We spent a lot of time this summer thinking about houses, getting ready to sell our house in Traverse Mountain (in Lehi, on the northern edge of Utah County), and brainstorming on what we'd need in a house in Texas. On the way to Texas, we drove south through Colorado and spent the night at Mesa Verde. We found the Far View Lodge inside the park and stayed up high on the mesa. The night sky was pitch black away from the city lights, and the weather was at least ten degrees cooler up high. I loved it. The next morning we learned a lot about the Native Americans who lived there. A man ga

Shoplifting: Tic Tacs at Target

You know when you're at the store and one of your kids asks you to buy stuff? Then they ask again and again and again and again? My reply is usually something like, 'No, but thanks for asking.' And if they ask again then the reply goes something like, 'If you ask again, the answer will be no for like a week.' OR, "If you ask again, I'll take away your favorite toy," OR "If you ask me one more time, __________." Think of a punishment you will actually do! You can't make an empty threat here. If you don't have the energy to see it through, then just say yes. My older kids will often comment on how their younger sister gets a ton of stuff or privileges. If I'm tired and don't have the energy to win a battle, it's much better to JUST SAY YES the first time. That way, when I say NO on something, it carries more weight. So I explain to the older kids that they've already run me ragged and I no longer have the patience or st

Twenty + One Month

You know how life gets kinda messy sometimes? My version of messy looks like this: Four kids including a teenager learning to drive; a kindergartner learning to get herself ready in the morning; a senior learning about adulting; a middle schooler learning to ride her bike to electives every other day, a mortgage husband's career VIRTUAL PLUS church service pandemic, civil unrest, election year my own personal need for friends and connection even when my schedule looks like a revolving door Our big anniversary was last month and we were lucky enough to celebrate together this past weekend. We managed to sneak away for 24 hours. First I need to give credit where credit is due. There was a very generous friend who volunteered to parent the children during our 'Nelson marriage offsite.' And there was a generous benefactor who donated Marriott points to spring for the fancy room. I won't mention either party by name, but thanks to their generosity we had a great time. I'

How Controlling Are You?

Life is like Mario Kart. In the early levels, you're driving through Moo Moo Meadows and the grass is green and there's cows and fields and it's lovely. There's an occasional banana peel that gets tossed in the path, and sometimes the cows walk in the road so you try not to hit them. But overall the driving is pretty mellow. Then later after you've unlocked other levels, there's stuff like Bowser's Castle. It's a maze with lava on both sides of the path, there's fire and brimstone all around, there's stone columns that try to smash you at random intervals. Just to know where to go and how to steer and stay on the path is complicated. Some stages of life are like Moo Moo Meadows. The details are easy-peasy and you just keep moving right along. And then there are years like Bowser's Castle where it's pretty intense and you pray a lot because the fire around you is pretty hot and you're trying not to fall in the lava pit. During years

Mary's Blankets

In a phone call the other day, I realized an important detail. I am very different from my mother-in-law. This is not rocket science, this is not an earth-shaking newsflash. We've known each other for more than twenty years now. But in learning to appreciate her for who she is, and in learning to see her unique talents and gifts, I can finally quit expecting her to be like me. She never once expected me to be her carbon copy, but maybe I went into this relationship with the wrong expectations. Maybe a young bride assumes that her husband's mom will be a lot like her own mom. Wrong. Sorry sweetie. That's not how it works. The other day I was hoping she'd share some words of wisdom, or write down stories for me to tell her grandkids when they get older. But she's not a writer. She's great at talking on the phone, and she loves to laugh. I'm guessing her sense of humor has gotten her through some very difficult years. One of her best talents is being able

Notes for my sister