Be There at the Crossroads

Last week I was looking through an old box, searching for letters that Norm and I wrote to each other before we got married. I didn't find the letters but instead found an old journal from 1987. Look below and see my handwriting when I was a ten year old girl living in San Diego. We’d just moved there from Grand Junction, and I talked about missing our cat, about making new friends, going to Disneyland with my dad and my brother.

It was really fun to read through this old journal. I'm glad I wrote that stuff down!

In the middle of these memories from 1987, I was also searching for a quote about mothers and their great influence on their kids. And the quote was something like “be there at the crossroads” when your children are coming and going.

Turns out that the quote I was searching for also came from the late 80's. A brilliant church leader and prophet, President Ezra Taft Benson, talked to the women and spent time encouraging and reminding us why motherhood is important.

"Mothers in Zion, your God-given roles are so vital to your own exaltation and to the salvation and exaltation of your family. A child needs a mother more than all the things money can buy. Spending time with your children is the greatest gift of all.

With love in my heart for the mothers in Zion, I would now like to suggest ten specific ways our mothers may spend effective time with their children...

Be at the Crossroads. First, take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going—when they leave and return from school, when they leave and return from dates, when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen. In Proverbs we read, “A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” (Proverbs 29:15). Among the greatest concerns in our society are the millions of latchkey children who come home daily to empty houses, unsupervised by working parents...

Catch the teaching moments. This can be done anytime during the day—at mealtime, in casual settings, or at special sit-down times together, at the foot of the bed at the end of the day, or during an early morning walk together. Mothers, you are your children’s best teacher..."

Later he quoted a gentleman remembering his mother, many years after his childhood, saying this: "I wonder if she realizes how much sheer love and attention count for in a child’s life.”

Ezra Taft Benson 1987 If you want to read his entire remarks, go here. It was a great reminder to me.

This morning I was out walking for a few minutes after getting Amber to school, and I texted Karly to ask her to call me as soon as she was downstairs in the kitchen. Our teenagers' cell phones all "sleep" in the kitchen, so I knew she'd check her phone first thing when she got downstairs. When she called I turned around and headed home. It cut my walk short but was worth it so I could spend some time with my cute teenage daughter. She’s the only kid home from 8-8:30 am and it's a fun time together. I can ask questions, she can tell me about different teachers and which classes are easy or hard. She can catch me up on gossip and spill all the tea. ;) I’m so glad I came home and spent that time with her. After I drove her to school, I showered lightning fast and got ready for a thing I had at 9am this morning. But the best half hour of my day was hearing her talk. When somebody called at 8:20, she ran over to check my phone, and I asked her not to answer it unless it was really important. It was somebody we love, but with a detail that wasn’t urgent. She said the cutest thing, “Mom, if I answer it then I can’t talk with you.” It melted my heart. So she came back and sat on the floor with me and we kept talking for a few more minutes.

The crossroads for us include time in the car, when I'm driving to school. I'm not making her ride the bus because it gives us that extra time to spend at home and then in the car on the way to school. And I learned an important thing today at pickup. If she's super grumpy when she gets in the car afterschool, don't take it personally because she really doesn't like her last period class. Good to know.

That's it for now on crossroads and my decision to keep being here for all the interesting details. I like it. I'm glad I get to be home.

Comments

Leaving Utah

Norm and I are at a crossroads. It's time for our family to take the next step. But first a quick trip down memory lane. We first came to Utah sixteen years ago. We were young and cute and pregnant with baby #1. Norm had been accepted as a student. I had a lot of fun during my first two years of college, and I imagine the admissions board looked at my transcript and said something like, "yeah right!" (More details about getting a D in organ lessons over here .) So my first BYU application was rejected. They let me attend classes as a visiting student, and one day an admissions officer called my phone. It was a landline, and we were living in BYU married student housing. He had two questions for me: Is your husband a full time student? Yes. And you live on campus? Yes. End of interview. A few days later I got my acceptance letter. We finally graduated together in 2004. We bou...

believe

These four books are either written by or about some of my favorite authors of all time. Isaiah , Prophet, Seer and Poet, by Victor Ludlow. One semester during college we did a deep dive into this poet's literary works found in the Old Testament. Someday if I get bored, I want to learn Hebrew and read his stuff in the original language. Neal A Maxwell is another favorite writer. My favorite book that he's written is called All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, and is a masterpiece on human suffering and why it's necessary in the refining process. Highly recommend. The first time I read through it, it took about a year because I could only digest about a paragraph a day. believe is such a fantastic collection of quotes on hope. Love it. Eliza The Life and Faith of Eliza R Snow, by Karen Lynn Davidson and Jill Mulvay Derr. I love this lady so much and she's my favorite poet and pioneer woman. This biography is beautifully written. My favorite poem or quote ...

2021 Christmas Card

December 2021 Dear Friends and Family, We love you and and miss y'all that are far away in WA and UT and other places!! This year we skipped our tradition of sending a Thanksgiving card and opted for a virtual Christmas card instead. It saved a ton of stamps and envelopes, but I definitely miss the glitter and sparkle. We hope you can feel our love even through a simple email or blog post. One tradition we couldn't skip was our gratitude tree, where the little leaves are a list of blessings. We are so thankful for God's goodness and mercy every day. Here's the highlight reel: Cade graduated, made lots of Domino's pizza, read probably a thousand books, and is currently living in Provo, UT as a full-time missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He's heading to Helsinki, Finland in January. We are so proud of him and his hard work, we miss him but are excited for his opportunity to learn and serve. Shad spent a zillion hours with Marcus Ban...

Thorns and gifts

We've been reading in the New Testament as a family lately, and Paul has some great advice and counsel that's still applicable today. In his letter to the church in Corinth, he talks about a thorn in the flesh. 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. 8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. It's kind of a moot point to speculate what Paul's particular thorn might have been, but I've often wondered. More importantly: what is God's purpose in giving his children such difficult stuff to learn? Why does life have to be so hard?...

One More Syllable

It's been a year. One year ago we moved to Texas. One year ago I started asking people to call me Kristina instead of Kristy, thus adding one more syllable to my name. August is our anniversary. Last year we celebrated that anniversary by adding a cool new memory. That day we drove up to our house, found the keys and walked inside with the kids. We spent the night in our house without any stuff. Isn't it funny how places seem bigger when they're unfurnished? And that pool in the backyard? We knew nothing about pools and maintenance but just jumped in carefree. It was great. It was like being in a hotel but with room for everybody to spread out. Maybe it's time to explain the name change. For me, I had decided before moving to Texas that I wanted to quit using Kristy as my nickname. It served me well for many years and I still like it, but it's mainly for simplicity. When I'd first meet somebody, maybe I'd mumble or maybe I don't speak clearly enou...

Happy Fall Y'all

Over the past year I've noticed a lot of fun and interesting things about Texas. Call it culture shock or assimilation, but here's an outsider's view of my new home. Obviously I like saying "y'all," and I find it quite handy. From the vocabulary to the climate, from the school traditions to the local hotspots, I'm enjoying this new land even if I poke a little fun at some of the quirks. One of my favorite things about Texas is the people. They are nice. The general default mode is to show kindness, warmth and hospitality. People go out of their way to help each other. I've seen this over and over again. The foundation of this town is built on people who are genuinely decent and friendly. Language: I love the west Texas drawl (or is it east Texas?). At the elementary school, the sweet secretary lady is the nicest. When my son delivered something to his sister one day, she said, "Thank you baby," in a motherly, sweet way....

Companions - Notes on Home MTC

November 18, 2021 Most people know that missionaries run around in pairs. Some of my neighbors have seen this version of a companionship lately. Let me explain. During Covid, the church did a pivot and changed the missionary training experience from in-person to virtual. During this process they realized there were a few cool benefits that were worth continuing even after the pandemic. So the new version of missionary training begins at home with an Elder or Sister doing full-time training with a companion online. Then they transition to in person after a few weeks. My oldest son began on November 8 with training at home. When they are in class or working together, they are meeting and making friends with other missionaries in their district. My son's cohort has four young women and four other young men, for a total of nine kids all going to Finland in January. BUT when they're not actively working or studying together, I'm his companion . All of the ...

Twenty + One Month

You know how life gets kinda messy sometimes? My version of messy looks like this: Four kids including a teenager learning to drive; a kindergartner learning to get herself ready in the morning; a senior learning about adulting; a middle schooler learning to ride her bike to electives every other day, a mortgage husband's career VIRTUAL PLUS church service pandemic, civil unrest, election year my own personal need for friends and connection even when my schedule looks like a revolving door Our big anniversary was last month and we were lucky enough to celebrate together this past weekend. We managed to sneak away for 24 hours. First I need to give credit where credit is due. There was a very generous friend who volunteered to parent the children during our 'Nelson marriage offsite.' And there was a generous benefactor who donated Marriott points to spring for the fancy room. I won't mention either party by name, but thanks to their generosity we had a great time. I'...

It doesn't matter where you live, but how...

Thoughts on Houses This is my first post from Texas. The blog lives on. August was a whirlwind, September we started settling in, and now it's October. Most of the boxes are unpacked. Just last week I found the box that had cookbooks in it, and that makes me pretty happy. I still haven't made whole wheat bread or cookies since we got here, but maybe I'll do that soon. We spent a lot of time this summer thinking about houses, getting ready to sell our house in Traverse Mountain (in Lehi, on the northern edge of Utah County), and brainstorming on what we'd need in a house in Texas. On the way to Texas, we drove south through Colorado and spent the night at Mesa Verde. We found the Far View Lodge inside the park and stayed up high on the mesa. The night sky was pitch black away from the city lights, and the weather was at least ten degrees cooler up high. I loved it. The next morning we learned a lot about the Native American...

2022 Christmas Card

December 21, 2022 Hello Friends and Family! In September we got a dog. The End. No, just kidding. I'll try to fill in some more details about him and the rest of the gang. His name is Sven, just like the reindeer from Frozen. He's a sweet and mellow Portuguese water dog, and YES, he loves our pool. But I've never had a puppy before, so it's been a major adjustment for me. I haven't written any blog posts and I'm still trying to find my new groove that includes another critter who's fuzzy and small-ish. He's the main reason we didn't send any paper cards this year, but the girls are in love with him so I'm learning to love him too ;) Cade is super far away and we love him and miss him. He's grown so much and has learned a lot about himself, about life, about Heavenly Father and His power to bless us, and especially how to serve the people around him. Here's a fun fact about Finland right now. He said, "Tomorrow is the darkest day o...

Notes for my sister